World Record

My maintenance guy walks in.

Him: Sarah, I have a brilliant idea. Have you ever wanted to be in the Guinness Book of World Records?

Me: No.

Him: Ok WELL, I decided I’m going to make the world’s biggest wind chime.

*I show him a video of someone who already did that.*

Him: ………

Me: ………

Him: ….Ok well, how come you drive on parkways and park on driveways?

Me: …….

❤
Love these goofballs.

Donate Plasma

18 year old boy (son of a resident) comes in “Ummmmmmm…can you like, get me a credit card?”

Me: Uh. What?

Him: I like…need money right now.

Me: Um….let me tell you first hand, don’t start getting credit cards. You’ll bury yourself in debt.

Him: No uhhh like, I already have credit cards.

Me:…………….

Him:…………….

Me: So….you need more?

Him: Yes.

Me: How about you just get a job?

Him: I already have one. It’s just like..not enough.

Me: Ask if they’ll raise your credit limit.

Him: They won’t.

Me: I mean….I don’t really know what you want me to do right now….

Him: I just figured you’d know since you’re like the manager.

Me: You figured I’d be able to qualify you for a credit card because I work at an apartment complex?

Him: Yea….

Me: Ok um..I jus..

Him: Do you know anyone who wants to buy a kitchen table?

Me: No. Put it on Craigslist.

Him. No like…right now.

Me: Do I know someone off the top of my head who will come buy a kitchen table without seeing it from you? No…no I’m sorry. I do not.

*shows him list of credit cards for people with bad credit*

Him: Ok so they’re gonna give me money today?

Me: What? You haven’t called them! How would I know?!

Him: So they won’t?

Me: Ok listen. I 👏 do 👏 not 👏 know👏. I do not work for a credit card company but even if I did, YOU HAVEN’T EVEN APPLIED. Not to mention that if by some off chance you ARE approved, it will not be here today.

Him: Do you like…know anyone who wants to buy a kitchen table?

🤦‍♀️ 🤦‍♀️ 🤦‍♀️

THAT’S NOT HOW THIS WORKS. THAT’S NOT HOW ANY OF THIS WORKS! YOU DON’T EVEN GO HERE!!!

Side note: I gave him the address to go sell plasma.

“Dude that’s like a $80 a week. I’m gonna be set.”