Rando-“Hey girl. You wanna dance?”
Me-“I don’t gotta dance. I make money moves.”
Resident-“Can you tell my neighbor that raccoons sleep inside her car every night?”
My maintenance guy walks in.
Him: Sarah, I have a brilliant idea. Have you ever wanted to be in the Guinness Book of World Records?
Him: Ok WELL, I decided I’m going to make the world’s biggest wind chime.
*I show him a video of someone who already did that.*
Him: ….Ok well, how come you drive on parkways and park on driveways?
Love these goofballs.
If you take me on a date and try to sit on the same side of the booth as me it’s over and I’m writing a bad review about you.
Show of hands ladies. Who loves being followed around Wal-Mart by the same sketchball asking “Where your boyfriend at?!” 😑😑😑
18 year old boy (son of a resident) comes in “Ummmmmmm…can you like, get me a credit card?”
Me: Uh. What?
Him: I like…need money right now.
Me: Um….let me tell you first hand, don’t start getting credit cards. You’ll bury yourself in debt.
Him: No uhhh like, I already have credit cards.
Me: So….you need more?
Me: How about you just get a job?
Him: I already have one. It’s just like..not enough.
Me: Ask if they’ll raise your credit limit.
Him: They won’t.
Me: I mean….I don’t really know what you want me to do right now….
Him: I just figured you’d know since you’re like the manager.
Me: You figured I’d be able to qualify you for a credit card because I work at an apartment complex?
Me: Ok um..I jus..
Him: Do you know anyone who wants to buy a kitchen table?
Me: No. Put it on Craigslist.
Him. No like…right now.
Me: Do I know someone off the top of my head who will come buy a kitchen table without seeing it from you? No…no I’m sorry. I do not.
*shows him list of credit cards for people with bad credit*
Him: Ok so they’re gonna give me money today?
Me: What? You haven’t called them! How would I know?!
Him: So they won’t?
Me: Ok listen. I 👏 do 👏 not 👏 know👏. I do not work for a credit card company but even if I did, YOU HAVEN’T EVEN APPLIED. Not to mention that if by some off chance you ARE approved, it will not be here today.
Him: Do you like…know anyone who wants to buy a kitchen table?
🤦♀️ 🤦♀️ 🤦♀️
THAT’S NOT HOW THIS WORKS. THAT’S NOT HOW ANY OF THIS WORKS! YOU DON’T EVEN GO HERE!!!
Side note: I gave him the address to go sell plasma.
“Dude that’s like a $80 a week. I’m gonna be set.”