Category Archives: Uncategorized

Donate Plasma

18 year old boy (son of a resident) comes in “Ummmmmmm…can you like, get me a credit card?”

Me: Uh. What?

Him: I like…need money right now.

Me: Um….let me tell you first hand, don’t start getting credit cards. You’ll bury yourself in debt.

Him: No uhhh like, I already have credit cards.

Me:…………….

Him:…………….

Me: So….you need more?

Him: Yes.

Me: How about you just get a job?

Him: I already have one. It’s just like..not enough.

Me: Ask if they’ll raise your credit limit.

Him: They won’t.

Me: I mean….I don’t really know what you want me to do right now….

Him: I just figured you’d know since you’re like the manager.

Me: You figured I’d be able to qualify you for a credit card because I work at an apartment complex?

Him: Yea….

Me: Ok um..I jus..

Him: Do you know anyone who wants to buy a kitchen table?

Me: No. Put it on Craigslist.

Him. No like…right now.

Me: Do I know someone off the top of my head who will come buy a kitchen table without seeing it from you? No…no I’m sorry. I do not.

*shows him list of credit cards for people with bad credit*

Him: Ok so they’re gonna give me money today?

Me: What? You haven’t called them! How would I know?!

Him: So they won’t?

Me: Ok listen. I 👏 do 👏 not 👏 know👏. I do not work for a credit card company but even if I did, YOU HAVEN’T EVEN APPLIED. Not to mention that if by some off chance you ARE approved, it will not be here today.

Him: Do you like…know anyone who wants to buy a kitchen table?

🤦‍♀️ 🤦‍♀️ 🤦‍♀️

THAT’S NOT HOW THIS WORKS. THAT’S NOT HOW ANY OF THIS WORKS! YOU DON’T EVEN GO HERE!!!

Side note: I gave him the address to go sell plasma.

“Dude that’s like a $80 a week. I’m gonna be set.”

Match.com

My dad walks into my office where I’m sitting with one of the kids who is about 13. (He is also eating the T.V. dinner he stole from me.) Anyway…my dad walks in and Derreck says “Um you need to get this girl a house and put her on match.com and stop letting her put ugly pictures on the internet.”

Lady Friends

I’m at a bar and see a sketchy dude harassing a random bachelorette party. I go up and say “Sir, can you please move out of this seat? I’m one of the bridesmaids and I’d really like to discuss my period with my lady friends.” Anyways, he left and now I have new friends and free drinks. 😆😆