Tag Archives: funny

Forever Alone

One time I met a guy at a bar and gave him my number. The next day he asked if I remembered what he looked like.
“Duh!” I said.
The guy then sends me a picture of 3 guys and asked me which one was him. I was 110% sure I knew once I saw the picture.
I confidently said “THE ONLY CUTE ONE. The one in the middle!”I picked the wrong one guys….I picked the wrong one.

Mexico Chiquito

Mexico Chiquito MIGHT get your order wrong 50% of the time and their employees MIGHT not have uniforms, name tags, hairnets, gloves or literally anything that keeps them from looking like randos who wandered into a restaurant and started making food for no reason at all and their food MIGHT come in sketchy unmarked brown paper bags and my order MIGHT always come out to $6.66 …..but that cheesedip and fruit punch though!!!!! 🔥🔥

Bike Thief

Y’all….
So, someone had stolen one of our kids bikes. Well, the mother of the child was at a store right next to our property and she saw a teenager riding it. She went up to him and said
Her- “Hey, that’s my sons bike.”
Him- “Oh…I’m sorry. My friend stole it.”
Her- “Whatever, I don’t really care. Just give me the bike.”
Him- “But how will I get back home?”
Her- “That’s not really my problem.”
Him- “Can you give me a ride?”
Her- “Um no.”
Him- “How bout I ride the bike home and I promise I’ll bring it back to you tomorrow?”
Her- “No. I’m not going to let you borrow the bike that you stole from my child dude. 😑😑😑”

(Guessing on the faces there)

Someone come get your teenager that’s asking to borrow items he stole 😂

Time Capsule

I’m not going to lie, having my childhood best friend text me asking “Didn’t we bury a time capsule in your moms back yard when we were little?” might be the most exciting thing to happen to me this far. Somewhere in my back yard are letters to us from the past and I’m going to find them! If you need me, I’ll be in the back yard digging with a spoon.

A Letter To The Randos

Dear Randos of Facebook,

If you could please do me a solid and stop posting pics of the dead frozen puppy that would be greaaaaaaaatttttt. In lieu of pictures of dead animals, if there is some frozen puppy fund you would like me to donate to, I will do that but that pic of the dead puppy is kind of killing my Friday vibe. Thaaankssss.

Sincerely,
Just a simple girl who doesn’t like your depressing dead puppy pics.